Being Bahama

Far and Still Away

As the days tick on I grow tired of this place.  This is no vacation.  I am not relaxed.  The retreat is beginning to feel more like a prison.  I don’t want to stay here.   But I don’t want to go home.

The solitude is getting to me but I don’t know that I’m really ready to get back to socializing.  The boredom is overwhelming but I can’t quite bring myself to do something productive.  On the one hand it appears as if I’ve got a life just waiting for me to get back to it.  But then I find it hard to even imagine just stepping back into it after what’s happened. 

I think about my vendors and the paperwork at city hall and I want to care.  I know I should care.  But I don’t.

I know what I need to do here is make a plan.  To define a new ‘normal’ and get moving towards it…. but it’s more work than I’ve energy for right now.  I’m still going from hour to hour here.  How can I possibly begin to think about the days, weeks or months ahead?

But I’m getting ahead of myself.  One impossible task at a time.  First I need to find a way to let go of that which is already gone.