my life in swg
Bermuda may not be the most romantic guy in the galaxy but let it not be said he doesn’t know how to show a girl a good time…
What’s more romantic than building a warm, cheery fire and playing some music just for her?
((I’m not sure what to say about the announcement that my beloved Galaxies will be discontinued later this year. While it feels right for SOE’s SWG to end, I can’t begin to put into words the range of emotions I feel thinking back on my history with the game. From the thrill of that first character creation to the anger at the NGE… SWG has been a big part of my life for the past 7 years.
Inspired by this post, I’ve decided it’s a good time to reminisce…))
Back in the day, home ownership would have been something completely out of reach for a tailor still in the beginnings of her career. But thanks to Bermuda’s tireless efforts, he and I were able to purchase our first humble home outside of Bestine.
It felt like we were setting down roots. Little did I know how deep those roots would go…
It should come as no surprise that many of my customers are performers by trade. Being in the spotlight, they require various costumes and need to pay special attention to their appearance. Their business can be a blessing… but at times it can also be unsettling.
I know many talented entertainers who work the cantinas who’s focus is clearly on their art, whether that be music or dance. But one doesn’t have to hang around the cantina for long to realize that there are some who frequent these places who are shopping for something more than a song and dance.
Not many people know this, but when I first began my career as a tailor, I avoided using certain well known patterns and making some popular items for entertainers. I saw first hand the reaction some of these more risque costumes begot and it wasn’t always respectful.
I knew it wasn’t my job to dictate what people should wear and I knew that most of the female entertainers knew just how to deal with unwanted advances. But there were those few, young and vulnerable, that I felt were in very real danger of being taken advantage of. And for a long while I simply couldn’t bring myself to craft clothing that might increase that likelihood.
Since then, I’ve seen the inner workings of the entertainer networks a bit more clearly and I’ve come to understand that overwhelmingly the elder ents are looking out for the young ones, teaching them what they need to know to stay safe. I’ve stocked my vendor with all types of costumes for many years now and rarely give it a second thought… Save for the occasional young woman who reminds me.
Today such a performer came to my shop. She was just starting out and wanted to lay the foundation of her wardrobe. She wore one of the standard costumes and asked to see it in some other colors as well as any other costumes I thought might help her attract attention where there was competition for business.
As I worked we chatted. She was sweet and spoke with a soft, polite tone. She told me how she’d been offered employment in a private establishment but that she wasn’t sure she wanted the job. “I’m not sure if I’m completely comfortable with everything that goes on there but I told her I’d give it a shot”, she explained.
I paused for a moment and just stared at the sheer fabric I was working with, considering her words. I took a breath and continued sewing. “I’ve always found it best to stay true to yourself. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with”, I said matter-of-factly. I kept my eyes focused on my work as I inquired, “Is the work in Eisly profitable?”
“It is, yet the competition is a lot heavier than I am used to. I would love to be able to find a more wholesome privately run establishment…. It seems too many of these cantinas are skeletons now a days.”
I made her a couple of costumes that looked amazing on her. We got her some more reserved clothing to wear outside of work and, as usual, finished off with some matching accessories. She was a joy to work with.
With her new wardrobe safely in her pack and her bill paid, I gave her a gift. It was an entertainer’s dressing robe, made specially for preventing accidental exposure during wardrobe changes in crowded cantinas. “I know how those gents in the cantinas can be”, I explained.
She laughed and agreed, “I know what you mean.” She added, “And I decided that I’ll just be bartending at the club.” I told her I was relieved to hear it. And I was.
She left the shop with a giggle and a smile, leaving me confident that she’ll be alright, no matter what she wears.
I’ve spent the last few weeks setting up my new shop in Kaadara and settling into my semi-retirement on the beach. The relaxed atmosphere of this seaside town is so different from the big city life of Theed. The slow, constant tumbling of the waves outside my door begs me to slow down, take my time and simply enjoy each moment.
Gone are the days of missed lunches, working late into the night, stressing over my vendor stock, prices and competition. And do you know what? I don’t miss it all nearly as much as I thought I would.
I’ve found time to people watch on the beach, enjoy a caf and a good book at the starport and travel the galaxy shopping for trinkets. I’ve enjoyed time with friends, both old and new.
Oh, and joined up with a new guild as well, a group of self-proclaimed pirates whose kindness and strict code of honor expose their true nature. It’s an unlikely place for me end up but with so many friends there, I wouldn’t be anywhere else. It’s home now.
Most folks have moved away from where Moneta used to stand and so I’ve undertaken to move my house closer to where they’ve all settled on Lok as well. Most of the furniture is there but it’s far from being set up. I work on it here and there as the mood strikes but I imagine it will take many more months before it’s completed. I intend to take my time and maybe even try out a few new construction and decoration ideas as I go.
Yes, this new life agrees with me quite well. I think I’ll stay. 
I’ve spent these many weeks enjoying my freedom… and frankly, trying to figure out what to do with it all. It’s been so long since I’ve been so free from responsibility that I was a little lost as to where to begin.
So I sought the advice of a friend of mine who lives a life free from responsibilities. Jamaica always managed to escape any attempts to tie her down. I know, because these past few years I’ve been the one trying to tie her down.
I asked her what she thought I should do with my life now that my responsibilities to Moneta were finished. She replied, “Go to the beach!” Despite all the years I’ve known this girl, my first reaction was still to laugh. She just sat and smiled at me till it dawned on me that she wasn’t joking. With little else on my agenda, I resigned myself to her very unproductive suggestion and agreed, “Fine. Let’s go to the beach.”
We arrived in her hometown of Kaadara, checked into the hotel and headed straight for the sand. I’d hardly arranged my things on our little plot of beach before she raced off to swim, leaving me sitting there alone.
The scenery was breathtaking and for a moment I understood what compelled her to spend as much time there as she did. Perhaps it had always been less about running from her responsibilities and more about running to this…
Still, that doesn’t help me. What should I do now? I don’t want to simply retire and give up tailoring… But I don’t want it to consume my life like it did before Moneta either… perhaps life in the big city of Theed isn’t right for me any longer…But where else would I go?
With all the thoughts swirling through my head I wasn’t getting much reading done so I opted to take a walk. I walked a long while, head down, thinking hard. The groomed public beach came to an end but I continued on, picking up interesting shells and rocks along the way, till I came to grassy spot not far from the water’s edge. The shade of a tree beckoned me to get out of the sun. It was the first time I’d looked back on the path I’d traversed. It was further than I’d realized. How long had I been walking?
Sitting there under the tree, looking out over the beach and the ocean with beauty of Kaadara sitting off in the distance, the thought passed through my head that I could look at that scene every day and not tire of it. Which then begged the question, why don’t I do just that?
Move here? Why?… Why not? It’s got that small town charm but it’s big enough to make a living off of… specially with the tourists…. it could work… But I’m sure there isn’t any real estate availble. But you won’t know until you try… I suppose I could find out, that would settle it….
And so I walked back to Kaadara making a mental list of what I would need and whom I should speak with. I didn’t spend the day reading and swimming on the beach, but instead I went house shopping and looking for land on which to build my new life.
I began my search much closer to Kaadara, opposite the ocean. I figured proximity to the starport would be more important than a beachfront location. Besides, the beachfront property is surely all taken. I swung a large arc around trying various locations without success. The closer I got to the ocean the more concerned I became that this just wasn’t meant to be.
But as I approached that grassy spot and tree where the thought to move here first entered my mind, there I found a plot of land the perfect size on which to build my new shop… as if fate had reserved it just for me. This is the view from my front step:
Beautiful, no?
(( For now, I’m playing Bahama on Starsider rather than Ahazi
due to the population issues and my desire for a fresh start. ))
After many weeks of organizing, packing, preparing, delivering things here and there, cleaning, ordering and generally working towards putting Moneta to rest…
I finally took a break. And what better way to unwind and relax than to go fishing?
Looking to avoid any crowds I decided to visit one of the remote outposts on Yavin IV. The weather wasn’t bad …but it’s Yavin IV so that’s not saying it was good either. It’s never been a favorite fishing spot for me. The water has an odor to it I can’t quite describe and the bottom of the rivers and lakes tend to be dark and muddy. You often find that if you stand in the same place too long you slowly start to sink.
But I set out with the goal of catching a rare fish found only in this place, so I went. After a few hours with little to show for it, I sat on the shore, nibbled at the lunch I’d brought with me and thought about my shop.
There’s still quite a bit of organizing I’d like to do. The inventory has slowly been dwindling… though not as quickly as I’d like. I won’t have room to store all that is left once I fire the vendors. I should really try to sell off those remaining components since I won’t need those for a while… if ever…
And that’s about when it hit me. When had it become a forgone conclusion that I was closing up shop for good? I don’t remember ever making the conscious decision about that.
Maybe it was preparing for Moneta’s end. Did I just naturally extend that to my personal life? Did I just assume that everyone else’s departure should lead me to do the same?
Perhaps it was that dream. No doubt, it changed my perspective on all I have here. It was both a surprise and a relief to find that the greatest joy in life really does reside in those simple pleasures - putting in a hard day’s work, time with old friends and the opportunity to meet new ones, meeting challenges and finding ways to overcome them, taking the hard road and feeling the satisfaction of looking back at how far you’ve come….
I realized that I don’t need the shop, the factory, the vendors, the fancy trinkets, the big house, … I don’t need any of that to live and be happy. There is a simpler life out there than the one I’ve been trapped in for so long. And I’m ready to give it a try. Ready to give up my comforts for a taste of it.
Is this forever? I don’t really know. I know enough about how life works to never say never. But for now? For now I’m satisfied to put aside the life I’ve been living and get back to the simple things that make me happy.
Like catching this silly fish.
It’s a strange thing for me to be so calm and certain about such a big change. I don’t know how to explain it except to say that it all feels as if it is happening just as it should be.
For weeks now, many of Moneta’s citizens have been away. We all found ourselves in that dream and many chose not to return. I’ve wandered back here every now and again… but not to live.
I’ve slowly been preparing Moneta for destruction.
I reorganized the guild supplies and packed away the gardens, cloning center, garage and bank. I’ve cleaned out the city hall and given away my desk, my chair and everything else that remained. Little by little, the city we all knew and loved ceased to exist.
As expected, the Planetary Civic Authority began harassing citizens, marking their houses for demolition. But it mattered little. I was prepared to do what needed to be done. My last act as Mayor of Moneta would be to destroy the city hall, erasing Moneta from the Civic Authority’s database and rescuing the remaining structures from it’s overbearing regulations.
Today was that day.
Everything was in place. I was ready. I stood in the empty city hall and listened to the echo of my voice as I whispered, “Goodbye, Moneta.”
I expected to be overwhelmed with sadness but instead was surprised to feel peace. Moneta became more than I’d ever imagined she could be. I was privileged to work with incredible citizens who made her the awesome community she was. I’m a little relieved to know my job here is done. I did my best to serve the citizens of Moneta, even as I pushed that self destruct button.
It was simply time for this to end. A new era has already begun… and now, with my responsibilities completed, I’m free to move on with my friends. I can walk away with my head held high, a smile on my face.
Moneta’s spirit will continue on, her legacy the friendships that transcend this place.
I tossed and turned in bed last night before finally falling into a deep sleep.
I found myself standing in a stark, door less room. A few feet from me stood a terminal, lit up brightly and beckoning. I willed myself to move toward it but my feet did not budge. I struggled for a few moments and finally managed a step… then another. For a moment I forgot about the terminal and simply delighted in my ability to walk about.
But suddenly a pale Twi’lek appeared. I froze and watched as she startled awake and without a word immediately went to the terminal and vanished. My thoughts swirled with questions. Who was she? Where did she come from? Where had she gone? Had she seen me? What did that terminal do?
I cautiously made my way to the terminal. I remember seeing spheres floating, feeling a bit dizzy and I know I reached out toward the terminal… then it all went dark.
A flash. I was suddenly bathed in light. I covered my eyes with my hands trying to keep the burning brightness from my vision while also trying to catch a glimpse of my surroundings. It was hopeless. I couldn’t see anything but light.
I became aware of a constant noise, a din. I listened carefully. It was voices. The sound of many people speaking all at once. But I could not understand what they said. There are people here.
The moving shadows I was catching glimpses of through the slits between my fingers were people - humanoids of some sort. I spread my fingers a bit further. My eyes reacted by involuntarily shutting again but I willed them open desperate to see who was there. I caught sight of a darker area to my right and stepped toward it.
I felt the sand on my toes as I stumbled toward what appeared to be a wall. It blocked some of the light and there in shade my eyes finally adjusted and revealed my surroundings.
I know this place.
It was Eisley. Good old Mos Eisley. And it was packed with people. More than I’d seen there in a long, long time. The Medical Center was nearby and I ducked inside to let my eyes recover for a moment.
What I saw convinced me I must have suffered permanent damage to my eyes. I saw doctors! Humanoid doctors! It’d been so many years since the medical center had employed humanoid doctors. The work had all been delegated to the surgical droids for so long…. but here they were! Real doctors tending wounds, curing disease and lifting the spirits of their patients with the kind of bedside manner no surgical droid could offer.
My joy was quickly shattered by the realization that what I was seeing wasn’t quite right. It was then I noticed my clothing. I was dressed in rags. How did I arrive in such a state? I reached for my backpack only to discover it wasn’t there. I had nothing. No clothing, no supplies, no vehicle, no resources…. and no credits?!
I rushed back outside pushing the panic away. There had to be an explanation. What had happened? It must be a dream. No, a nightmare. Certainly something bad will happen now that will prove it. And then I will wake up and vow never again to eat 3 day old leftovers from the fridge…
Then it happened. A good friend appeared. He was himself and yet I don’t remember the last time I’d seen him quite so giddy… oh, yes, that time at the Life Day party when he’d had a bit too much to drink. I still wish I could get the image of him in him dancing in his helmet and underwear out of my mind…
Then another friend appeared. And another. And another. They all found themselves in similar states of poverty and incompetence but joyfully went about the business of finding work and learning as if it were all normal and expected.
And I find myself wondering…. am I dreaming now? Or have I finally just woken up after a long, intricate dream of another life?
I don’t suppose it matters much. Whether I’m there - with the big house, expensive rare items, comfortable bank account balance, factory full of resources, list of well paying customers, collection of vehicles, etc. Or whether I’m here - dressed in rags, credit less and without a means of transportation save for my well worn sandals…
Either way I have my good friends to keep me company. And that makes me the richest, luckiest girl in any universe.
((OOC))
(( Loading into the test server of the SWG Emu was nothing short of amazing. It’s a work in progress but there is so much that’s done and playable. Seeing the game in it’s original form has only solidified my opinion that with the NGE, SOE destroyed so much of what once made SWG great. Judging from the incredible population on the test server of the EMU it would seem that tons of folks agree.
I encourage you to go to the SWG Emu site, read about the project and witness the passion of the folks working to restore the SWG I love. And if you’re up for the challenge, log into the test server.
Look me up when you get there. I’ll be around, digging in the dirt for the resources to make |Bahama-Wear| clothing to put up for sale… cause my feet are tired and I’d really like to buy a vehicle :P ))
I found myself at the lake trying desperately to think of another place to run to. As if this was something I could run from. I imagined that retreating from life would somehow stop time, allowing me the luxury to make sense of it all. I slowly came to the realization that it just doesn’t work that way.
Reluctantly, I powered up my comm device and was immediately contacted by a customer. I couldn’t think of a viable excuse to decline making him the special order he requested… so I made it. When I asked where I could meet him to deliver his goods I really didn’t expect him to tell me that he was already in my shop waiting for me. I hadn’t planned to go back there yet. I wasn’t sure I wanted to. But ready or not, I had a customer waiting on an order I’d already made. How could I refuse?
He tried on the clothing I’d made for him, was pleased with my work and paid me well. He even complimented me on my business. I’m certain he had no idea that the smile he brought to my face was the first I’d smiled in a long while. He didn’t know that he’d given me just the push I needed to pick up that crafting tool. Nor did he understand that walking into that shop to meet him made it so much easier than it would have been to go there alone.
When he’d left I looked around at the familiar surroundings and was reminded how much I love my job. I love being a tailor and I wouldn’t be anything else. I checked in with the vendors, fired up the factory and straightened up around the shop. Doing felt good.
Then a call came from an old friend who I’d not heard from in a very long time. I travelled to Moneta to see her. Once again, having a reason to return and knowing that someone would be there to distract me in those first few, fearful moments… well, it made all the difference.
Once she was settled in I took care of business around town. It felt so good to be back in my life, doing what I love to do.
I’m surrounded by all the familiar people and places and things… but that’s not to say everything is the same. It’s different. I’m different. But this different isn’t as horrible or scary as I imagined it would be. Life is going to go on. I’m going to go on.
I’ve determined that there’s reason enough to hold on to hope that the news I received wasn’t true. I’ve also determined that whether or not it is, this fear and sadness isn’t going anywhere. But rather than allow it to take over as I have been, I’m putting it in it’s place. The fact I’ve lost doesn’t mean there isn’t anything more to gain.
In a nook of the wood I’ve placed a fountain, “A Mother’s Tears”. And like my own, it flows endlessly. But as it flows life goes on around it. The trees and wildflowers grow, the seasons change, the creatures roam… and occasionally a mother will come by to replenish the water, trim back the bush, enjoy the peaceful cascading of the water and think about the son she loves.
As the days tick on I grow tired of this place. This is no vacation. I am not relaxed. The retreat is beginning to feel more like a prison. I don’t want to stay here. But I don’t want to go home.
The solitude is getting to me but I don’t know that I’m really ready to get back to socializing. The boredom is overwhelming but I can’t quite bring myself to do something productive. On the one hand it appears as if I’ve got a life just waiting for me to get back to it. But then I find it hard to even imagine just stepping back into it after what’s happened.
I think about my vendors and the paperwork at city hall and I want to care. I know I should care. But I don’t.
I know what I need to do here is make a plan. To define a new ‘normal’ and get moving towards it…. but it’s more work than I’ve energy for right now. I’m still going from hour to hour here. How can I possibly begin to think about the days, weeks or months ahead?
But I’m getting ahead of myself. One impossible task at a time. First I need to find a way to let go of that which is already gone.
