my life in swg
Bermuda may not be the most romantic guy in the galaxy but let it not be said he doesn’t know how to show a girl a good time…
What’s more romantic than building a warm, cheery fire and playing some music just for her?
The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of news and activity. To sum up….
Our village became a town. We installed a cloning center, created a commercial district, registered on the map and gained a few new citizens in the process.
A huge army gathered outside our new town. Colonel Daenyathos Caeon led a small group of men, including MNETA Brigade’s finest, into battle and miraculously won.
Our town became city. We installed a shuttleport, added new decorations, finished creating city zones and increased our citizenship again.
Bermuda appeared unexpectedly and, in typical Bermuda fashion, skipped a romantic dinner with me in favor of going hunting, took dangerous missions across the galaxy and managed to appear completely unimpressed with my work in the city.
So that’s my past two weeks in a nutshell. I think I need a nap!
I’ve always been careful about the responsibilities and obligations I put on my plate. It’s not that I consider myself a weak person, but everyone has a breaking point and I aim to make sure I never get to mine.
I suppose you could attribute my whole life here to my tendency to avoid too much responsibility. It’s a wonderfully romantic story about how I ran off with Bermuda. But the truth is, as much as I was leaving to be with him, I was also running away from my life at home.
As an only child, the pressure to fulfill my parent’s dreams and expectations always weighed heavily on me. My mother never missed an opportunity to make her feelings known about what she thought an ideal life should look like. She openly criticized the young women who left our small town, unmarried, looking for a different life.
I sometimes wonder if I’d ever have mustered the courage to leave on my own had Bermuda never landed in my life the way he did. I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that the answer is, mostly likely, no.
Part of what may have attracted me to Bermuda in the first place is that he put no responsibilities on me. He was used to taking care of himself. Even when we married, he didn’t expect me to play the part of the housewife waiting to serve him, to take care of him.
The freedom I enjoyed in my marriage and in owning my own business came to an abrupt halt with the unexpected arrival of Bermuda Jr. I hadn’t planned to have children - ever. That’s not to say I don’t love BJ… just that I didn’t expect him. I’m proud to be his mother ….but make no mistake, I’m glad that he’s moved from childhood to manhood.
More recently, I’ve found myself bound to another child of sorts. The Commerce Union is young and is still developing. I’m happy with how things have gone so far but I can’t say that there hasn’t been a lot of work and stress involved at times.
I am most fortunate that fate has brought such good people to CU. Without them, it would be much more difficult to fulfill my obligations.
Bermuda made a brief appearance the other day. I knew he wasn’t staying long but just the thought of getting to spend time with him, even if it’s only a short while, is enough to make me jump for joy. Of course, I try my best to retain my composure. 
Each time he comes back around it feels like my worlds collide. The life I live when he’s not around is so far from who I was and what I did when we lived here together.
Being with him takes me right back to that time when we were young and in love, exploring the galaxy together. It was a great time. Free from responsibilities I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I followed him places I’d never have gone by myself. I enjoyed the thrill of it all knowing that he was there to protect me, keep me safe and enjoy it with me.
Now my life is so different. We’re still as in love as ever, but not nearly so young. I don’t travel and explore like I used to when he was here with me. I’m tied to my business, my customers and my vendors. I’m responsible to the citizens of Moneta and the members of the Commerce Union. I have my routines, my schedule and a long to-do list on my datapad. It’s not that I regret any of these things. It’s the life I’ve chosen to lead …. in his absence.
Showing him around Moneta was like introducing him to a stranger. He politely followed me around and saw everything. I’ve put myself into everything built there. And it has become part of me. But he feels no attachment to it. He doesn’t recognize it. It’s not the me he knows.
I finished the tour quickly and we retreated to our house in Bestine. There everything is as it always has been…. my worlds comfortably separated.
It started with a trip to my Lake Retreat shop to restock some of the vendors. There was a bit of a chill in the air so I started a fire in the fireplace. As I sat and tended to it, I realized how long it had been since I’d engaged in a relaxing activity. I’ve pretty much been working nonstop over the past several weeks. I’ve managed to catch up on my vendor stocking despite having been a month behind. Special orders have been pouring in, taking up quite a bit of time. And I even spent several hours reorganizing my paperwork for staff salaries and building maintenance fees. But there hasn’t been any time for fun.
So I decided to finish up my work quickly and head out of town for a vacation. I immediately headed to a fishing spot Jaegen showed me a while back. The beach is lovely, the Ewoks are quite friendly and the fishing is awesome. It was dusk when I arrived. No matter. I fished under the stars by the light of the torches.
When the cool breeze forced me to quit for the night, I sat by the fire. The simplicity of my surroundings made me think about how complex my life has seemed lately. It’s been quite a while since Bermuda left, but I’m just now starting to feel like I’m settling in for long haul.
Relations in the Beowulf Fleet have been less than ideal this past week. Members have come and gone. Regulars have been busy and less available to chat. Arguments, divorce and the possibility that more may leave Journey’s End have weighed heavily on me. Though none of it directly involves me, it’s still difficult to watch my dear friends go through it.
Despite the chaos around me, life for me has pretty much gone on the same. But I wonder how much longer that will last. The choices of those around me may pretty soon force me into making some pretty significant decisions about my home, my business, my friendships and personal life. It’s no secret that I don’t like change. Having this vacation to consider all the possibilities and realities couldn’t have come at a better time.
I left the fishing dock late the next day with a clear head and a bag full of fish. What more could one ask from a vacation?
I can always tell when Bermuda is getting ready to skip out of town. It begins with the valuable gifts he bestows on me for no reason. Inevitably, he asks how many credits I have in the bank. Despite the fact that he’s often gone for long periods of time, he’s always managed to make sure that I’m well cared for during his absence.
I rarely get any official notice that he’s left. Days go by, weeks even, and I come to the realization that he’s not been around in a while. I live with the reality that at any time, he could suddenly be gone.
And now, it seems, he is. Again.
Of course I’m sad that he’s away again. But I can’t claim I didn’t know what I was getting into all those years ago when I decided to throw my lot in with him.
When I first met Bermuda I was all of 15. My parents and I lived in a small town in a distant galaxy. I first saw him while making my daily trip to the Bazaar to sell my parents’ products. He was there, selling hides and meat from recent kills.
This old photo just doesn’t do him justice. He was quite handsome back then (still is). He immediately caught my eye… and I guess I caught his as well. I can’t recall what we chatted about that first day. I only remember that we talked for a very long time. I left wondering if I’d ever see him again.
I did. He was there at the Bazaar again the next day at that same hour. He played it cool and claimed that it was coincidence… but I knew better. We continued to meet there each day for the next week.
He loved to tell me stories about the places he’d been. Though he refused to tell me how he ended up travelling the universe alone, it was clear from his stories he’d been taking care of himself for at least a couple of years. His tales left me breathless one minute and laughing hysterically the next. But mostly they made me jealous of all he’d experienced.
As my parents’ only child, it had always been a given that I would take over running the family business. For my parents it was a foregone conclusion that I would marry a local boy and live in that same small town for the rest of my life.
Faced with a peer who’d already lived more than either of my parents ever had, I realized I had a choice. My life’s script wasn’t already written and I didn’t need to go on pretending it was.
As that week ended, Bermuda prepared to move on as he was accustomed to doing. I inquired where he’d go next. With a sly grin, he asked if I wanted to go with him to find out.
The smile quickly faded from my lips and I stared at the ground, holding my breath. How could I possibly do such a thing? I couldn’t. Could I? I sat in silence, tormented by the choice he’d put before me.
To understand the significance of what happened next, you need to understand that Bermuda is never affectionate in public. Ever. The most you’ll ever see him do is occasionally smack my bottom or pat my back. You won’t find him kissing or hugging me, not even in saying goodbye. He’s just not that way.
But that day, as I sat there paralyzed, he reached over and gently lifted my chin till my eyes met his. He leaned in close, swept his finger across my cheek and tucked a stray hair behind my ear. Then he cradled the back of my head in his hand, looked me in the eye and whispered, “Would you go with me?”
Suddenly the difficult choice didn’t seem so difficult. With tears in my eyes, I told him I would. And he kissed me. Yes, right there outside the Bazaar. In all the years since, that hasn’t happened again. I have to steal kisses from him behind locked doors.
I knew there was no way my parents would ever understand so I didn’t bother to discuss it with them. I left that night while they slept, leaving only a brief note behind saying that I was leaving and that I probably wouldn’t return.
Shortly thereafter Bermuda and I found ourselves in the hustle and bustle of the Mos Eisley Starport.
I often wonder why Bermuda spends so much time away from home….
It’s not like I nag or anything!
Bermuda showed me this lovely photo of him with the infamous Han Solo. I must admit I was impressed.
Later I was clearing all the photos out of the camera and I found this…..
(click on the photo to see it a bit larger)
Since Bermuda’s return, I’ve been making every effort to spend time with him. I know him well enough to know that he’ll soon be off to explore other galaxies… and it’s likely many months or years will pass before he returns again.
I went with him the other night while he worked. Under cover of darkness, he took care of his business…
I stood at a safe distance and tried to concentrate on my crafting. I know there are many unsavory aspects to the work he chooses to do, I just usually have the luxury of not thinking about it. I know he’s a good hearted man and I trust the folks he deals with are getting what they deserve. I trust that enough that I did pull my gun out and provided back up when the situation got a bit sticky.
We spent the day driving from here to there. I crafted a few things along the way… but mostly I just enjoyed being with him. The vendors will still be there long after he leaves.
After long years of waiting, Bermuda returned today. A blip on my datapad alerted me to his arrival and I immediately flew to Bestine to meet him.
There he was, looking much like he did when he left.
First thing he did was pull out all his old toys.
Then, in typical Bermuda fashion, he was off like a shot to find things to kill. I kissed him and got this in return…
MEN!
