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Archive for the 'Commerce Union' Category

Betrayed By My Emotions

January 26th, 2009 by Bahama


I’ve avoided writing much more than just the facts lately.  The emotions I’ve been feeling aren’t anything most folks want or need to hear.  If you’re looking for happy sunshine, go read something else because you won’t find it here.

Not even my closest friends know the full extent of my discontent.  I’ve discussed a little bit here and there with some but I stop short of revealing myself fully to any one person.  I’m worried that sharing too much will somehow deminish their respect for me.  It’s probably true that spilling all this is a bad idea, but I’ve found it impossible to move on without an outlet to express it.

I suppose things started going downhill when I took the position as CEO of CU.  I tried to squeeze myself into the role and my efforts brought me little else but grief.  As the stress mounted in those final weeks, I spent sleepless nights contemplating what had gone wrong and how I could fix it.  I let my judgment be clouded by how I felt.  I was betrayed by my emotions. 

The experience has taught me much about myself.  I value people above policies.  I value friends above subordinates.  I value community above corporations.  Is any of this wrong?  No, I don’t think so.  But it means that I’ll never make an effective CEO of a cutthroat corporation. And you know what?  I’m good with that.

My failure as a CEO was a small matter compared to what was happening in my personal life at that same time.  I had poured my heart and soul into what was one of the closest friendships I’ve experienced in this galaxy.  During this same time, that too fell apart.  I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve walked away from the ruins of that relationship deeply wounded.  I so rarely let people get so close.  In some ways I wish I hadn’t opened myself up in the first place.

I know that my friends are well meaning when they encourage me to simply move on.  I don’t have the guts to tell any of them that it’s just not that easy.  I find myself second guessing everything I do. 

The words this friend said to me in anger echo in my ears with every step I take.  I thought I was respected and appreciated for who I was.  I felt there was a genuine bond of friendship.  I’ve been crushed by the realization that this was not the case.

Not a day goes by when I don’t feel the heartbreak.  Right now I know I have so much to celebrate.  So many blessings.  I’m part of an incredible community of talented and interesting people.  They are nice folks, all of them. 

But this wound is still open and I find myself unable to let down my defenses for fear it could happen again.  In time that will change.  I’m hoping that writing this is a step in the right direction.

Moneta Community Network

January 16th, 2009 by Bahama

My position in the Commerce Union turned out to be more than I could handle while also trying to keep up with my business and friends.  As much as I would have liked to see the project through, I’ve found it necessary to step down as the CEO.  I’m relieved to leave the job to those more qualified.

Instead I’m focusing my time and attention on matters closer to home.  Moneta is a thriving community.  The Regal Beagle regularly sees customers anxious to enjoy the entertainment.  We have all types of craftsmen creating everything from the finest armor and weapons to the fastest ships in the galaxy.  Moneta has a high concentration of master pilots and some of the nicest folks you’ll ever meet.

We’ve formed the Moneta Community Network (MNETA) in order to coordinate our efforts to bring prosperity to our community.  I’m excited about all the projects we’ve got coming up.

But first I’m going to take a much needed break.  If you need me, I’ll be fishing on Endor.


January 7th, 2009 by Bahama

I’ve always been careful about the responsibilities and obligations I put on my plate.  It’s not that I consider myself a weak person, but everyone has a breaking point and I aim to make sure I never get to mine.

I suppose you could attribute my whole life here to my tendency to avoid too much responsibility.  It’s a wonderfully romantic story about how I ran off with Bermuda.  But the truth is, as much as I was leaving to be with him, I was also running away from my life at home. 

As an only child, the pressure to fulfill my parent’s dreams and expectations always weighed heavily on me.  My mother never missed an opportunity to make her feelings known about what she thought an ideal life should look like.  She openly criticized the young women who left our small town, unmarried, looking for a different life.

I sometimes wonder if I’d ever have mustered the courage to leave on my own had Bermuda never landed in my life the way he did.  I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that the answer is, mostly likely, no. 

Part of what may have attracted me to Bermuda in the first place is that he put no responsibilities on me.  He was used to taking care of himself. Even when we married, he didn’t expect me to play the part of the housewife waiting to serve him, to take care of him. 

The freedom I enjoyed in my marriage and in owning my own business came to an abrupt halt with the unexpected arrival of Bermuda Jr.  I hadn’t planned to have children – ever.  That’s not to say I don’t love BJ… just that I didn’t expect him. I’m proud to be his mother ….but make no mistake, I’m glad that he’s moved from childhood to manhood.

More recently, I’ve found myself bound to another child of sorts.  The Commerce Union is young and is still developing.  I’m happy with how things have gone so far but I can’t say that there hasn’t been a lot of work and stress involved at times.

I am most fortunate that fate has brought such good people to CU.  Without them, it would be much more difficult to fulfill my obligations.

Life Day Season

December 22nd, 2008 by Bahama

 Life Day Celebration

The life day season is here! 

I love this time of year.  I love the music, the decorations and the festive spirit of the holiday. And, of course, the gifts!

As hard as it is to believe now, I went many years without close friends in this galaxy.  In years past I’d stand near the Life Day tree and wait for a stranger to happen by so I could exchange gifts with someone. 

This year, I find myself surrounded by good friends.  So I organized the first annual CU Life Day Gift Exchange.  We each brought gifts and exchanged them anonymously.  The gift giving was followed up with drinks and snacks in the cantina.  Everyone seemed to have a good time…. but I doubt anyone enjoyed it as much as I did. :)

At Home in Moneta

November 8th, 2008 by Bahama

I’ve been working nonstop on making Moneta functional for her citizens.  The Commerce Union Hall has been set up to provide our members with everything they need to do their jobs.  There’s a biolab, manufacturing center, offices for security, research and business development.  The lobby is ready for vendors and I’ve hired a receptionist who can greet guests and give out information on our organization.

Factories have been set up for traders. I’ve been filling each with materials, components and schematics.   I’ve arranged and rearranged various gardens, fountains, lights and decorations.  I’ve prepared city hall for town meetings, made uniforms for the CU fleet and planned activities and meetings.

Just the other day a citizen was telling me how at home she feels in Moneta. 

Each time I hear from citizens about their thoughts on our little village I’m overwhelmed with emotion.  I’m happy that everyone seems pleased with what’s been done so far.  That, after all, is what I’ve been working so hard to ensure. 

But all the buildings and installations and decorations really don’t mean much by themselves. I’m grateful for Moneta’s citizens.  They are what make Moneta feel like home.

The Commerce Union

October 10th, 2008 by Bahama

The committee came to a decision last night.  We all agreed that the needs of our members can best be met by making our union official.  So I acquired the necessary device and registered our new guild. 

I’ve written before about how uncomfortable I am with the titles and all.  But I’ve decided to step outside my comfort zone  and accept the position of CEO.  I believe in this project and I’m passionate about seeing it succeed even if I’m not the ideal woman for the job.

Fortunately, I’ve got a great team. 

Brassk Gilla has taken the position of Executive Vice President.   His clear thinking and good business sense has been instrumental in bring us this far.  It doesn’t hurt that he’s quite personable (for a Trandoshan) and has inspired many to eagerly follow him (who wouldn’t be inspired by “Do it, or I’ll eat you”?)

LongJie Yun is our Vice President of Logistics.  He is an accomplished pilot whose skills will certainly help us secure the most efficient and profitable shipping routes.  He’s made himself available to help train new pilots as well.

We’ve several positions we still need to fill, but we’re off to a great start.