Archive for the 'SWG' Category
After many weeks of organizing, packing, preparing, delivering things here and there, cleaning, ordering and generally working towards putting Moneta to rest…
I finally took a break. And what better way to unwind and relax than to go fishing?
Looking to avoid any crowds I decided to visit one of the remote outposts on Yavin IV. The weather wasn’t bad …but it’s Yavin IV so that’s not saying it was good either. It’s never been a favorite fishing spot for me. The water has an odor to it I can’t quite describe and the bottom of the rivers and lakes tend to be dark and muddy. You often find that if you stand in the same place too long you slowly start to sink.
But I set out with the goal of catching a rare fish found only in this place, so I went. After a few hours with little to show for it, I sat on the shore, nibbled at the lunch I’d brought with me and thought about my shop.
There’s still quite a bit of organizing I’d like to do. The inventory has slowly been dwindling… though not as quickly as I’d like. I won’t have room to store all that is left once I fire the vendors. I should really try to sell off those remaining components since I won’t need those for a while… if ever…
And that’s about when it hit me. When had it become a forgone conclusion that I was closing up shop for good? I don’t remember ever making the conscious decision about that.
Maybe it was preparing for Moneta’s end. Did I just naturally extend that to my personal life? Did I just assume that everyone else’s departure should lead me to do the same?
Perhaps it was that dream. No doubt, it changed my perspective on all I have here. It was both a surprise and a relief to find that the greatest joy in life really does reside in those simple pleasures - putting in a hard day’s work, time with old friends and the opportunity to meet new ones, meeting challenges and finding ways to overcome them, taking the hard road and feeling the satisfaction of looking back at how far you’ve come….
I realized that I don’t need the shop, the factory, the vendors, the fancy trinkets, the big house, … I don’t need any of that to live and be happy. There is a simpler life out there than the one I’ve been trapped in for so long. And I’m ready to give it a try. Ready to give up my comforts for a taste of it.
Is this forever? I don’t really know. I know enough about how life works to never say never. But for now? For now I’m satisfied to put aside the life I’ve been living and get back to the simple things that make me happy.
Like catching this silly fish.
It’s a strange thing for me to be so calm and certain about such a big change. I don’t know how to explain it except to say that it all feels as if it is happening just as it should be.
For weeks now, many of Moneta’s citizens have been away. We all found ourselves in that dream and many chose not to return. I’ve wandered back here every now and again… but not to live.
I’ve slowly been preparing Moneta for destruction.
I reorganized the guild supplies and packed away the gardens, cloning center, garage and bank. I’ve cleaned out the city hall and given away my desk, my chair and everything else that remained. Little by little, the city we all knew and loved ceased to exist.
As expected, the Planetary Civic Authority began harassing citizens, marking their houses for demolition. But it mattered little. I was prepared to do what needed to be done. My last act as Mayor of Moneta would be to destroy the city hall, erasing Moneta from the Civic Authority’s database and rescuing the remaining structures from it’s overbearing regulations.
Today was that day.
Everything was in place. I was ready. I stood in the empty city hall and listened to the echo of my voice as I whispered, “Goodbye, Moneta.”
I expected to be overwhelmed with sadness but instead was surprised to feel peace. Moneta became more than I’d ever imagined she could be. I was privileged to work with incredible citizens who made her the awesome community she was. I’m a little relieved to know my job here is done. I did my best to serve the citizens of Moneta, even as I pushed that self destruct button.
It was simply time for this to end. A new era has already begun… and now, with my responsibilities completed, I’m free to move on with my friends. I can walk away with my head held high, a smile on my face.
Moneta’s spirit will continue on, her legacy the friendships that transcend this place.
I tossed and turned in bed last night before finally falling into a deep sleep.
I found myself standing in a stark, door less room. A few feet from me stood a terminal, lit up brightly and beckoning. I willed myself to move toward it but my feet did not budge. I struggled for a few moments and finally managed a step… then another. For a moment I forgot about the terminal and simply delighted in my ability to walk about.
But suddenly a pale Twi’lek appeared. I froze and watched as she startled awake and without a word immediately went to the terminal and vanished. My thoughts swirled with questions. Who was she? Where did she come from? Where had she gone? Had she seen me? What did that terminal do?
I cautiously made my way to the terminal. I remember seeing spheres floating, feeling a bit dizzy and I know I reached out toward the terminal… then it all went dark.
A flash. I was suddenly bathed in light. I covered my eyes with my hands trying to keep the burning brightness from my vision while also trying to catch a glimpse of my surroundings. It was hopeless. I couldn’t see anything but light.
I became aware of a constant noise, a din. I listened carefully. It was voices. The sound of many people speaking all at once. But I could not understand what they said. There are people here.
The moving shadows I was catching glimpses of through the slits between my fingers were people - humanoids of some sort. I spread my fingers a bit further. My eyes reacted by involuntarily shutting again but I willed them open desperate to see who was there. I caught sight of a darker area to my right and stepped toward it.
I felt the sand on my toes as I stumbled toward what appeared to be a wall. It blocked some of the light and there in shade my eyes finally adjusted and revealed my surroundings.
I know this place.
It was Eisley. Good old Mos Eisley. And it was packed with people. More than I’d seen there in a long, long time. The Medical Center was nearby and I ducked inside to let my eyes recover for a moment.
What I saw convinced me I must have suffered permanent damage to my eyes. I saw doctors! Humanoid doctors! It’d been so many years since the medical center had employed humanoid doctors. The work had all been delegated to the surgical droids for so long…. but here they were! Real doctors tending wounds, curing disease and lifting the spirits of their patients with the kind of bedside manner no surgical droid could offer.
My joy was quickly shattered by the realization that what I was seeing wasn’t quite right. It was then I noticed my clothing. I was dressed in rags. How did I arrive in such a state? I reached for my backpack only to discover it wasn’t there. I had nothing. No clothing, no supplies, no vehicle, no resources…. and no credits?!
I rushed back outside pushing the panic away. There had to be an explanation. What had happened? It must be a dream. No, a nightmare. Certainly something bad will happen now that will prove it. And then I will wake up and vow never again to eat 3 day old leftovers from the fridge…
Then it happened. A good friend appeared. He was himself and yet I don’t remember the last time I’d seen him quite so giddy… oh, yes, that time at the Life Day party when he’d had a bit too much to drink. I still wish I could get the image of him in him dancing in his helmet and underwear out of my mind…
Then another friend appeared. And another. And another. They all found themselves in similar states of poverty and incompetence but joyfully went about the business of finding work and learning as if it were all normal and expected.
And I find myself wondering…. am I dreaming now? Or have I finally just woken up after a long, intricate dream of another life?
I don’t suppose it matters much. Whether I’m there - with the big house, expensive rare items, comfortable bank account balance, factory full of resources, list of well paying customers, collection of vehicles, etc. Or whether I’m here - dressed in rags, credit less and without a means of transportation save for my well worn sandals…
Either way I have my good friends to keep me company. And that makes me the richest, luckiest girl in any universe.
((OOC))
(( Loading into the test server of the SWG Emu was nothing short of amazing. It’s a work in progress but there is so much that’s done and playable. Seeing the game in it’s original form has only solidified my opinion that with the NGE, SOE destroyed so much of what once made SWG great. Judging from the incredible population on the test server of the EMU it would seem that tons of folks agree.
I encourage you to go to the SWG Emu site, read about the project and witness the passion of the folks working to restore the SWG I love. And if you’re up for the challenge, log into the test server.
Look me up when you get there. I’ll be around, digging in the dirt for the resources to make |Bahama-Wear| clothing to put up for sale… cause my feet are tired and I’d really like to buy a vehicle :P ))
I found myself at the lake trying desperately to think of another place to run to. As if this was something I could run from. I imagined that retreating from life would somehow stop time, allowing me the luxury to make sense of it all. I slowly came to the realization that it just doesn’t work that way.
Reluctantly, I powered up my comm device and was immediately contacted by a customer. I couldn’t think of a viable excuse to decline making him the special order he requested… so I made it. When I asked where I could meet him to deliver his goods I really didn’t expect him to tell me that he was already in my shop waiting for me. I hadn’t planned to go back there yet. I wasn’t sure I wanted to. But ready or not, I had a customer waiting on an order I’d already made. How could I refuse?
He tried on the clothing I’d made for him, was pleased with my work and paid me well. He even complimented me on my business. I’m certain he had no idea that the smile he brought to my face was the first I’d smiled in a long while. He didn’t know that he’d given me just the push I needed to pick up that crafting tool. Nor did he understand that walking into that shop to meet him made it so much easier than it would have been to go there alone.
When he’d left I looked around at the familiar surroundings and was reminded how much I love my job. I love being a tailor and I wouldn’t be anything else. I checked in with the vendors, fired up the factory and straightened up around the shop. Doing felt good.
Then a call came from an old friend who I’d not heard from in a very long time. I travelled to Moneta to see her. Once again, having a reason to return and knowing that someone would be there to distract me in those first few, fearful moments… well, it made all the difference.
Once she was settled in I took care of business around town. It felt so good to be back in my life, doing what I love to do.
I’m surrounded by all the familiar people and places and things… but that’s not to say everything is the same. It’s different. I’m different. But this different isn’t as horrible or scary as I imagined it would be. Life is going to go on. I’m going to go on.
I’ve determined that there’s reason enough to hold on to hope that the news I received wasn’t true. I’ve also determined that whether or not it is, this fear and sadness isn’t going anywhere. But rather than allow it to take over as I have been, I’m putting it in it’s place. The fact I’ve lost doesn’t mean there isn’t anything more to gain.
In a nook of the wood I’ve placed a fountain, “A Mother’s Tears”. And like my own, it flows endlessly. But as it flows life goes on around it. The trees and wildflowers grow, the seasons change, the creatures roam… and occasionally a mother will come by to replenish the water, trim back the bush, enjoy the peaceful cascading of the water and think about the son she loves.
As the days tick on I grow tired of this place. This is no vacation. I am not relaxed. The retreat is beginning to feel more like a prison. I don’t want to stay here. But I don’t want to go home.
The solitude is getting to me but I don’t know that I’m really ready to get back to socializing. The boredom is overwhelming but I can’t quite bring myself to do something productive. On the one hand it appears as if I’ve got a life just waiting for me to get back to it. But then I find it hard to even imagine just stepping back into it after what’s happened.
I think about my vendors and the paperwork at city hall and I want to care. I know I should care. But I don’t.
I know what I need to do here is make a plan. To define a new ‘normal’ and get moving towards it…. but it’s more work than I’ve energy for right now. I’m still going from hour to hour here. How can I possibly begin to think about the days, weeks or months ahead?
But I’m getting ahead of myself. One impossible task at a time. First I need to find a way to let go of that which is already gone.
I have a measure of control over most of my life that keeps me steady and makes me comfortable. I choose where my business is and how it’s run, how often I work and which clients I will serve. I choose where my home is, how it’s decorated and who has a key to enter. I’m fortunate enough to have the means to travel when and where I wish with very few exceptions.
To stop and consider all the decisions and choices, options and possibilites that I’m confronted with daily is mind boggling. From day to day, even moment to moment, I’m not usually aware of the choices I’m constantly making. Nor do I consider how that control, the ability to make those choices, affects me…
Until a situation arises where my choices are limited. Until I encounter something over which I have no control.
I’ve spent the past few days alone, out of contact with friends, customers, citizens, guild members… everyone. And it’s brought clearly into focus one obvious, undeniable fact of life. People cause chaos. What instability, lack of control and limit in choices I have is all caused by the people around me.
While this realization isn’t anything terribly novel, the message I received about BJ has made me look at it from a different point of view. If these people have the potential to cause chaos in my life and in my heart, why do I allow them that control? What do I gain? Is it worth the risk?
But as I sit here in the isolation of the wilderness of Naboo, having purposely cut myself off from everyone and everything I realize the answer to these questions lead me to a much deeper problem. One much closer to home. A problem that is impossible to escape, even here.
My own heart.
My heart is itself chaotic and unstable, lacking in control, limited in it’s ability to choose whom it will love. It freely relinquishes my ability to control and choose without considering the consequences or risks. And there’s nothing I can do about that.
Ironically, what I’m left with is a choice. I can either live in the light of this reality or fool myself into thinking that I can somehow command my heart not to love.
My hand shook as I read the message over and over trying to understand the words there.
BJ dead. Thought you should know. No other info to give. F. L.
Could it really be that my son was gone?
It’s been nearly 2 years since I last heard from him. The forced silence was part of what he choose in allowing himself to become wrapped up in that ridiculous religion. Yes, he choose that… and the danger. He choose them both with no regard for what it meant for me.
I tried many times to dissuade him from walking that road. Perhaps I could have if I’d had more time back then, if I wasn’t so caught up in tending to my business, if I’d known what that crazy old neighbor had been filling his head with, if I could have offered him more adventure in his life, if..
If Bermuda had been around more or hadn’t been supportive when he found out what was going on… maybe then things would have been different.
Then again, maybe not. He was a stubborn child from a very young age. Smart and strong….
And now gone?
I have no way to confirm the message. I don’t know who F. L. is or how I would contact them. BJ warned me long ago that if something happened to him, I shouldn’t expect more than a message if they even managed to send one. At the time I just let the matter drop. Why didn’t I tell him that wasn’t good enough?
It’s not good enough.
This lonely despair I feel is only compounded by the fact that I have no one with whom I can share it. So few people even know I have a son….
I had a son.
I packed a bag quickly and left a note on my office door I’d be gone a few days - urgent business. I turned of my comm and avoided the usual routes so as not to run into anyone I know. I know I won’t be able to even speak without breaking down.
A few days at the lake is all I need. Just a few days to pull myself together.
How can I pull myself together?
I was working in my office in city hall when my desk rattled slightly and the familiar sound of a ship flying low overhead passed . I couldn’t help but smile to myself. Kiwon was home.
I went out to greet her. I could tell something wasn’t quite right and she wasted no time relaying the bad news.
“You’re not going to like this, Bee. Regional governor is making a sweep. He wants the sector clear of all Rebel activity and I can’t keep them outta here this time.”, she confided.
I asked her to do what she could to help them complete their sweep while keeping all Moneta’s citizens safe. She understood exactly what I was asking of her and she did a wonderful job handling the situation. She directed the troops to inspect various sites and it wasn’t long before they were satisfied Moneta was secure.
Once the troops had moved on, life in Moneta quickly went back to normal. Neighbors who have diverging alliances behind closed doors exchange pleasantries in the town square, share resources and frequent one another’s businesses.
I admit that I often go about the business of my day successfully avoiding having to confront the reality of this terrible conflict. I know I’m not alone in this. My fellow citizens and I pass by troops all the time and, on occasion, even witness a skirmish. But we all go about our business as if none of it exists. It’s simply to much to consider the many hundreds of people on both sides, each actively involved in plotting the demise of the other.
This war has already gone on too long and claimed more lives than I can fathom. But this most recent intrusion makes me wonder if perhaps the worst is still yet to come…
MNETA recently had our Life Day party. Everyone managed to find gifts under the 1000 credit limit and they were anonymously distributed among all our guests. I also put together some gift bags for everyone with some decorative and useful items including a festive Life Day hat.
After the gifts were all handed out we enjoyed some drinks and music over at the Regal Beagle. Oceat did a wonderful job decorating just for the occasion. It was a lovely party and it seems everyone enjoyed themselves… some perhaps a bit too much….
But just as the festivities geared up, a frantic call from Doaba Guerfel came in on my comlink. The gifts collected for the less fortunate had been hijacked by a band of thugs! It didn’t take the Brigade very long at all to mobilize, track them down and recover the stolen presents, still wrapped and ready for distribution.
Happy Life Day!
I’ve known he was on his way home for some time now. I knew he’d be back to Moneta soon. But I wasn’t prepared.
I couldn’t help but throw my arms around him upon seeing him, something I don’t normal do. I stood there overwhelmed with emotion, fighting back tears of joy. There was so much to tell him. So many things have changed since he left all those months ago to serve the Empire…. but I couldn’t even think of where to begin.
I quickly sent out a note to the entire guild.
Dear MNETA,
A little more than a year ago, a noble Bothan stood at my side while I fired up a guild device. He led our fleet as Admiral of Skull Squad, donated the guildhall that is now our Community Center and funded the small outpost of Moneta.
And then he had to leave us for a time. Off to serve the Empire.
But he’s back!
If you get the chance, please welcome LongJie back home.
It was late and soon after his arrival I had to head home to go to bed. In the quiet, darkness of my bedroom I thought about his return.
And I cried.
I don’t think I ever realized how much I worried over him while he was gone, how much I missed him or how relieved I’d feel to have him home, safe and sound.
I drifted off to sleep with tears still drying on my face, feeling very grateful that the Empire has returned LJ to us.
